While visiting my mom in Texas, we made our nightly runs to the bookstore, imagine that...I work all week in a bookstore and then when I'm off of work where do I hang out? In a bookstore...So while scanning the gender studies shelf, I came across an interesting book titled Dear John, I Love Jane edited by Candace Walsh & Laura Andre. There is a forward by Dr. Lisa Diamond author of Sexual Fluidity which I bought a couple of years ago.

The Dear John book includes 27 essays written by women who have left a man for a woman. They are all true and honest stories, some will make you cry, others will make you wish for that first experience again, the excitement, the newness, the scary yet inticing unexplored territory of the first time.

Dr. Lisa Diamond's book Sexual Fluidity was a book I picked up when I was trying to understand my attraction to women, my transition from being married to falling in love with a woman. My family is open and accepting, my mother is a professional artist so diversity was a part of my upbringing and I even have an aunt who is a lesbian so there was never any shame surrounding homosexuality. I was curious how my preference could just change at the age of forty. No warning, no latency, never thought twice about it. Maybe I was so busy from such a young age raising kids, fulfilling familial responsibilities that I wasn't aware of my sexuality. Somehow, having children so young must have paired sex with pro-creation or something. Diamond's book explained a lot about the female's sexual fluidity and although it was extremely scientific, it did give me some sense of normalcy in regards to my experience.

In Dear John, I Love Jane, I found first hand tales of women falling in love with another woman. These stories aren't all happy and certainly some end very sad yet they are true and that is what I look for in writing, honesty and truth. Funny enough, one of the essays is an excerpt titled First Date With Ann from a book written by Meridith Maran that I read in a religion class I took at SMU back in 1996 called What It's Like to Live Now about a woman leaving her husband for a woman. I didn't even think anything about it when I read it at the age of 29, guess I was too busy trying to graduate with two young children and a husband to relate to her story. Guess I didn't have time or energy to think about sex lol...

I highly recommend this book for all women and men as it can give some insight into the struggles involved with a woman discovering her attraction to another woman. It isn't an easy journey. She suffers from hurting those she loves, her husband, her children, her family, the other woman and mostly herself. I know first-hand the guilt that comes from waking up so to speak from an unfulfilled marriage. Once my eyes were opened, there was no going back and the thought of the harm I caused to those that loved me was excruciating. I made the choice to love myself enough to get out. Some women in these stories didn't take the leap. Some didn't have the support. Some did. Some left for another woman. Some left for themselves. The best word to describe all of these women that shared their stories with the world is BRAVE...

It never fails that when I walk back into the receiving department of the bookstore I work in, I see a book on the pile of new books just received, yet to be shelved, and salivate over it and feel I'll never be happy unless I have it as my own. I tuck it under my arm and slink out of the receiving department so as not to piss anyone off that I've grabbed a new book before it even made it to the floor. I take it to my office and drool over it until the end of the day when at that point the newness has either worn off or I still believe I can't live without it and proceed to the register to buy said book.
Today, I saw a book that caught my eye. It's the second book by this author about her experience with cancer and I've seen her documentary about her experience and loved it. It's called Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor: More Rebellion and Fire for your Healing Journey by Kris Carr. Now I absolutely loved her first book Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips for her creativity and photos and honesty even though it can bring tears to my eyes but then again, I love something that can move me to tears. I debated whether buying a book about surviving cancer would jinx me as I don't have and don't plan on getting that diagnosis, ever...However, her message about surviving against all odds, about healing, about empowerment, basically about living and thriving not just maintaining for however long we are meant to be in this physical body. I think it is a message everyone can benefit from the same way I think we can all benefit from the 12 steps whether we have an addiction or not.
Some of the section titles are; Mind, Body aka Lovin' the Temple, Jesus, Buddha, Elvis, ETC.
One quote I turned to that immediately caught my eye and my heart "I feel naked and abandoned. I do my very best. I work so hard to "let go" of all the nasties in me, to do the "right" thing, and yet here I am drifting in a shit storm! I'd crawl on broken glass to go back, but I know I can't. So what should I do? How do I tie my shoe so I can take one step forward?" Wow, even though I am healthy, thank God, I've felt this way on one occasion or another. I think we have all felt this way and had to find the "survivor" inside that would and could get us through the challenge and to the other side.
So, thinking that an ounce of prevention is worth, oh I can't remember the rest, I'm buying this book for the survivor in me, for the fighter against all odds of the daily trials and tribulations I encounter and I want to toast in honor of Kris Carr and ask that you check her out online http://www.crazysexycancer.com/ she is a kick butt kind of gal I wish the best for and thank from the bottom of my heart for her inspiration and strength and creativity! What a positive woman! Oh and it doesn't hurt that she's hot!